What I Learned Living as a Monk for 18 Months
I went way too ahead in chasing peace
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Author’s note — This is one of the chapters from my new book. To know more about my book, visit here —
https://dipanshurawal.medium.com/read-my-new-book-live-f3e9c7a215a4
24 September 2019. My 23rd birthday.
I was in Dharamshala, India on a solo trip. Dharamshala is the place of H.H. Dalai Lama’s temple.
Roaming those streets on my birthday, I saw so many monks doing their day-to-day rituals; praying, eating, talking, etc. I entered the temple and saw a couple of monks praying and chanting.
For the first time in my life, I saw “peace”. All those monks had peace on their faces. I thought you could only feel peace. I was wrong.
I wanted that. I really, desperately, impatiently wanted that peace in my life.
1 week before my birthday, my girlfriend broke up with me.
1 day before my trip, my boss fired me for not coming to the office on a Sunday.
I was broke and broken. Literally.
I was in shock. My mind was blank, trying to contemplate what just happened. And then I went on this trip.
That look on those monks’ faces… I wanted that. That peace. That calm. That smile.
I decided I’ll be a monk.
It wasn’t a snap of a decision. I remember joking about it. I’d tell my friends when I’m 29 I’ll either be a monk, or I’ll take a mini-retirement to raise my daughter. Either-or kind of situation. You see, I’ve loved extremities since the beginning.
Love wasn’t working out for me. I always felt I’m a detached person. Better serve people wearing robes, than to continue suffering being who I was not. That’s what I thought at that moment.
I had tried multiple relationships, long-term, long-distance, casual, serious, friends with benefits, one-night stands, etc., and nothing worked for me. Every time I failed, I’d feel I lost a part of my heart.
I thought maybe this wasn’t meant for me.
